Froot Loops: Sugary Rainbow of Lies?

froot loops breakfast cereal
Froot Loops: Taste the rainbow of one flavor.

Hang your heads low, American cereal execs. The shame! For decades you have been selling us the sugary rainbow of lies drenched in polyglycerol polyricinoleate acid that generations have known as Froot Loops. Toucan Sam? More like Toucan SCAM!

As The Straight Dope so wisely pointed out back in 1999, Kellogg’s morning-meal mendacity, first launched in 1963, contains just one flavor, despite all the wondrous colors the cardboard container holds beckoningly within.

Yep, those round, gleaming breakfasty gems’ promise of diverse delectability is nothing but a long con perpetuated on unsuspecting Americans whose veins run pure with high-fructose corn syrup, yearning for nothing more than freedom, truth and individual fruit-like flavors.

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