Low-rise, tight-fitting jeans have been the fashion standard for some time now. Wearers of high-waisted, loose-fitting dungarees are frequently ridiculed in the media for sporting “mom jeans,” a dreadful fashion faux pas for teen stars and presidential candidates alike.
One problem with low-rise jeans is their tendency to reveal more than you may want others to see. If you’re not as svelte as a runway model, you might prefer to not show everyone your muffin top or granny panties every time you bend forward more than a few degrees.
Today’s new product offers an inventive solution to this fashion dilemma. Trendy Top is a faux partial t-shirt tube you wear around your hips to keep your midsection covered when your top slides up or your jeans slide down. I came up with several taglines for Trendy Top, including:
The dickie for your hips
The tube top for your butt
The Butt-ker-chief
The Trendy Top folks rejected all of these, preferring to label it “The top that’s not.” Whatever you call it, you get four Trendy Tops in black, white, beige and gray, plus free Style Snaps too, all for $10 plus shipping. Here’s where to order Trendy Top.
Kymaro Bust Up Cups are a new and improved version of what used to be known as falsies, pads inserted in a brassiere to create the appearance of larger breasts. I guess times have changed, because the first page of Google results for “falsies” mainly consists of links for Maybelline’s The Falsies mascara. There’s also a band of the same name.
Whatever you call them, Kymaro Bust Up Cups promise to instantly lift and add one or two cup sizes to your bustline, plus they’re breathable, lightweight, waterproof for swimming, and reusable. And ladies, just remember that stuffing a Bust Up Cup inside your bra is a lot cheaper than paying a plastic surgeon to stuff a saline bag inside your boob. Plus, much easier to remove or replace. No scalpel required.
I’m not into feather hair extensions. The last time I had feathers in my hair, it was because I slept on a ripped pillowcase. Incredibly, it’s possible the root of this hair fashion trend is sexy senior citizen world’s oldest androgynous teenager Steven Tyler. The Aerosmith frontman often sported a feather in his hair while judging the past season of American Idol. So dude looks like a crazy bird lady on national TV, and suddenly hair salons all over the country are charging big bucks to weave feathers into your hair. But just like perms and hair color, women and girls of modest means want a cheaper way to do it at home.
Enter Snap-On Feathers, the clip-on version of feather extensions, as endorsed by teen pop sensation Carishma (not pictured here). Actually, I’m not familiar with Carishma, and she’s probably not all that successful if she’s appearing in a low budget As Seen on TV commercial. But even if she’s not a sensation, she does look sensational. Plus, her song “Glow in the Dark” sounds a lot like a Britney Spears track I heard a while back when I accidentally wandered into H&M. So she’s got that going for her.
Anyway, I’d much rather have bird feathers in my hair than bird poop. If you think this fowl look is fair, here’s where to order Snap-On Feathers.
OK, GLH Formula is definitely not new. But it is new to our site. While no longer advertised on TV, we just learned this historic product is still available for purchase. Invented by As Seen on TV pioneer Ron Popeil, GLH is short for Great Looking Hair, and it’s a spray-on powder that clings to and thickens hair, covering bald spots for men and hiding thinning hair in women. The GLH Finishing Shield and GLH Shampoo complete the system. I know you laughed at hair-in-a-can when you saw it advertised on TV in the 1990s, back when you had a full, healthy head of hair. Now that you’re older and your cranial coverage is not as thick and luxurious as days of yore, GLH Formula may be looking like a viable option. And today you can order GLH online. GLH will come to your door in a box marked Ronco, so even the UPS man won’t guess your secret to great looking hair. Here’s where to order.
Ladies, if you’ve ever seen the commercial for Cami Secret, or its NSFW parody dub Boob Apron, you know that most men are leering lechers out to catch a glimpse of your cleavage. Or as so poetically put by Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas, your lovely lady lumps. That’s why ShowStoppers Designer Double-Stick Fashion Tape might just be the product you’ve been looking for. ShowStoppers’ mission statement is to “Stop the peep show and keep your fashion fastened,” thus disappointing men everywhere who have nothing else to live for than a brief glance of boobage. Just think, if ShowStoppers had been available in 2004, it might have prevented the most infamous wardrobe malfunction in recent mammary, I mean memory. Here’s where to order.
There’s something special about the word “dang.” It’s downright satisfying to say, since it’s one of the nastiest-sounding words you can safely utter in polite company. It was used to great effect in Roger Miller’s signature song “Dang Me,” and it’s now employed in the advertising slogan for an unlikely product, the Diva Dangler Earring Frame.
Although Your Savvy Shopper is a modern male with pierced ears, I haven’t worn dangling earrings since I hennaed my hair and played synthesizer in a 1980s new wave funk band. Even though I’m no diva, and I have no dangly ear jewelry to display, I just love the slogan. “Dang, I love my Diva Dangler.” How melodiously its alliteration travels off the tongue! And for some inexplicable reason, when women say “dang” it sounds really sexy. Dang it men, you should buy the Diva Dangler for the women in your life. Gift them with the Earring of the Month Club and keep the dang fun flowing all year ’round. Women, just treat your dang self. Here’s where to place your dang order. Dang.
Your Savvy Shopper is not an expert in women’s undergarments. Wait, maybe that came out wrong. I’ll start again. Like many men, I don’t know nearly as much about brassieres as I do about sports, cars or craft beer. So you may well be skeptical when I tell you the Genie Bra is so named because it’s modeled after the custom bra in which Barbara Eden enjoyed comfort, lift, separation, and freedom from back fat during long hours filming episodes of the classic TV series I Dream of Jeannie.
The truth is, the Genie Bra is one of the top-selling infomercial products in the country. The women in the video really seem to like it, and they look great while wearing it. Still, I’m not qualified to provide a personal endorsement. Ladies, if you’ve tried the Genie Bra, how do you like it? Here’s where to order.
Your Savvy Shopper doesn’t have a lot to say about this week’s product. Secret Styler pinches, buckles and ties up your clothes in various configurations. The claimed benefits are looking thinner and sexier in seconds, as well as eliminating the need to buy more clothing by creating multiple new looks from each garment in your wardrobe. Watch the commercial and see what you think. Secret Styler may be just the product you’e been waiting for. If so, here’s where to order.
It’s obvious the Royal Heirloom Ring, with its twinkling cubic zirconiums, simulated sapphire and thin layer of silver plate, is strictly costume jewelry. And yes, the British Historical Society and Sterlington Collections are inventions of As Seen on TV giant Telebrands.
Still, the Royal Heirloom Ring is a remarkably accurate replica of the ring currently on the finger of Kate Middleton, the future Queen of England, and once worn by Princess Diana, better known as Lady Di (arguably the greatest celebrity of the 20th century). If you love the romance and majesty of royalty, who could blame you for wanting to play dress up with this over-the-top example of royal bling? Here’s where to order.
OMG, this is amazing. Washing my feet in the shower is so difficult. I have to actually bend my knee to reach my foot. It’s such a hassle. I just don’t bother most of the time. Now I have Easy Feet, the plastic foot scrubber you attach to your tub or shower. It washes both sides of my foot at the same time, and even has a pumice stone to smooth my cracked heels. Like the commercial says, Easy Feet is “like a car wash for your feet.” Because my feet are like cars, except they don’t use gas, or have license plates. And I don’t park them outside. You can’t live in them if you’re homeless. And they don’t have any trade-in value.
Low-rise, tight-fitting jeans have been the fashion standard for some time now. Wearers of high-waisted, loose-fitting dungarees are frequently ridiculed in the media for sporting “mom jeans,” a dreadful fashion faux pas for teen stars and presidential candidates alike.
